Major Set Back

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I was getting off to such a good start squashing negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones. Every day it gets easier to avoid my old morning routine of lounging on the couch, procrastinating and feeling guilty. These days I get up, wash my face, get dressed and get out into the fresh morning air before I give myself the chance to come up with one reason why my butt should park itself on that soft, comfy, oh-so-inviting corner of slip-covered paradise.

And so it’s gone for the last 3 weeks. I wake, feed the creatures and feel grateful for this beautiful world I am blessed to occupy. And then I go about the business of making it to the office while the hubs holds down the fort for a few hours.

Then there was last Friday and the pain in my neck is still there to remind me of it. The thing is my little sis has a baby with a “man” who mistreats her. They live together in a town about 250 miles away so we don’t see one another very often anymore. She rarely calls because he keeps the phone with him at all times. She doesn’t like to ask his permission to use it either…causes a big fight. When we do get to see her, it’s because he has to come to town to meet with his probation officer. Yeah, he’s super classy.

So anyway, last Friday was one of his appointments and she was in town for just a little while. Seeing her triggered some extremely negative emotions, and now I’m feeling guilty about some of them. On the one hand, I’m angry with her for not keeping in touch more, but then I remember how it is to live with someone like him. I’ve been there too; a long time ago…seems like another lifetime to tell the truth. I know what its like to walk on egg shells, to wonder what might set him off, trying to be perfect and blaming myself for his rages.

He was a fool, on a fool’s path not entitled to my imagination, my creativity, my destiny.

I try to explain this to the rest of the family. And tell them she’s in danger and that he’s abusive but they won’t listen. No one wants to really deal with it because there’s not a whole lot we can do and it’s just easier to ignore the signs and pretend she’s irresponsible and she should leave if he’s such an asshole.

The drama of it all is stirring up my past, things I never want to think about or feel ever again. My neck and shoulders are killing me. I haven’t slept well in a few nights and I have a knot in my stomach. I’m worried and I feel helpless to help my sister. I want to escape my body, fly out into the universe, detach from everything and melt away into a billion particles.

…to cope with it all, I did what any reasonable farmer would,  I got a kick ass hair cut at an expensive salon and drank a bottle of Chardonnay.  Maybe its the hangover?

 

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2011 in review

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The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 8,000 times in 2011. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 7 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Guilt Busting

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Well shit, I’m getting old. I have flab and a bit of a beer gut and Lord-help-me a double chin.  Then there’s the fact that I feel guilty about all this. Can’t help it, must be the Catholic in me. SO, like a good farmer, I’ve decided to… DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Yes. I aim to improve myself and tackle my most unbecoming qualities, beginning with the guilt thing. The way I figure it, its gonna be a whole hell of a lot easier to acquire other good habits after I learn to get rid of the guilt. That’s what they say on Zenhabits anyways. So the very first thing I’m gonna do is break the habit of negative thinking. I’m telling yall this because according to Zenhabits, its important to let folks know when you are trying to break a habit. Make it public and report on your progress. Seems like this blog is the best way for me to do that so, yall are gonna be my support buddies starting  Jan 1 2012. This is going to be a 30 day experiment and I’ll be blogging about it every day. Please stay tuned for my next post which will most likely be a written plan of action! Thanks for reading and have yourself a very Merry Christmas!

KEEP YOUR MONEY AND YOUR LAWS!

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White House Rural Council

Section One of Executive Order 13575, which was signed by President Obama on June 9 2011 states the following:

Section 1. Policy. Sixteen percent of the American population lives in rural counties. Strong, sustainable rural communities are essential to winning the future and ensuring American competitiveness in the years ahead. These communities supply our food, fiber, and energy, safeguard our natural resources, and are essential in the development of science and innovation. Though rural communities face numerous challenges, they also present enormous economic potential. The Federal Government has an important role to play in order to expand access to the capital necessary for economic growth, promote innovation, improve access to health care and education, and expand outdoor recreational activities on public lands.

Dear,

Mr. President and your WHRC, Local Governments for Sustainability USA (ICLEI USA), Green Building Council (USGBC), UN and Agenda 21:

KEEP “YOUR” MONEY AND YOUR LAWS OFF MY FARM!

Yours Truely,

Outlaw Farmer

PS, Thanks for taking back the FEMA money provided to flood victims in TN last May. That was super classy. Also a nice touch to sacrifice all the small towns along the Mississippi this spring. Keep up the good work. NOT.

Tips for Hot Process Soap Making

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Admittedly I’m a farmer / business woman before a soap maker and as such I’ve learned in the mysterious realm of oils and lye, where there’s a will there’s a way. Now anytime you hear a gal use that phrase you can be sure she’s survived many a battle. Such is the case with me and soap making. You see, I’m far from patient and the thought of waiting several weeks to unmold my first batch of soap was just more than I could bear. Thus, I turned my attention to what is known as “hot process” or hp soap making. This technique isn’t for everyone. It certainly has its drawbacks which I will try to cover in this post along with tips I’ve learned to overcome some of the more annoying problems experienced by many who choose to use this particular method. Continue Reading>>

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Eating Animals: A Review & A Quandary (via Mrs. Dexter)

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Great food for thought.

Eating Animals: A Review & A Quandary After I read Catherine Friend's Compassionate Carnivore, I was pretty sure I would start eating meat. In fact, I was so sure that I have actually eaten meat a few times since finishing the book. Although I said that reading Eating Animals would be another factor in my decision, I didn't have high hopes for the book. I had listened to The Way We Eat, which is a thorough guide to the food industry, and I'd seen Food Inc. I expected Eating Animals t … Read More

via Mrs. Dexter

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